Consider the following scenario from the Game of Thrones RPG: you get tasked with infiltrating a secure location, and beforehand you assemble a proper uniform — gauntlets, boots, cape, and helmet — to gain access. This sequence conjures up the same sort of tension as watching Tywin Lannister and Littlefinger’s conversation at Harrenhal in the current season of the show, or reading the duel between The Red Viper and The Mountain That Rides from A Storm of Swords. There’s a lot at stake, and one mistake could turn the whole affair catastrophic; but this time, you’re in control of this tense situation. You walk up to a guard at a checkpoint, and he asks if he knows you because you seem familiar to him; to this, you reply that you have a very common face that elicits such a question often. Except, as noted earlier, not only are you in disguise, but as part of that disguise, you had put on a full helmet that completely envelops and obscures your face.

That kind of moment embodies playing Game of Thrones, where the occasional moments of intrigue and interest get stymied by bizarre little gaffes, mistakes, and janks. Why is there a conversation about the look of my face when I have a helmet on? It’s not an instance of randomized NPC chatter that delightfully skips over the detail of whether the player is wearing a helmet or not — it’s a specific and scripted moment in a mandatory story quest that somehow got past the game’s writers and testing.
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Having now seen this new cinematic for Naughty Dog’s The Last of Us, I feel like a jerk for not allowing myself to get more excited for the game. The initial reveal was terrific from a technical perspective, but I wasn’t particularly sold on the premise. So long, cautious optimism! We’re done here.

I’d rather not spoil anything on the off chance that some of you are trying to go on a media blackout for The Last of Us, which I totally respect. If not, though, just click the play button already.

“Watched this when Sony tweeted it at, like, 4 AM, and fuuuuuuuuuuuck it’s awesome.”
-Samit Sarkar

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How many of you don’t own the mega indie hit Castle Crashers yet, show of hands? Ok now take your raised hand, k? And slap yourself with it. This is one of the best games ever and you should already own it. But if you don’t, now would be a good time to get on it.

The Behemoth is offering a great deal on Castle Crashers this week, hacking and slashing the price on the XBLA version right in half. From now through May 21, you can pick up the full version for 600 MS Points. Oh and while you’re there, don’t forget to pick up the Pink Knight, which is still goin’ for free.

Castle Crashers Sale On Xbox LIVE Arcade! [The Behemoth Dev Blog]

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FIFA
12 was one of the strongest,
most rewarding sports titles I’ve ever played,
so while en route to EA’s First Look Event at their studio in
Vancouver, I had absolutely no idea what to expect from FIFA 13.
Crazy new ball physics? Improved pitch patterns? A Steve Kean-branded
survival mode? The trinity of gameplay innovations from 12 (Tactical
Defending, Impact Engine, Precision Dribbling) seemed to be an
impossible act to follow. And, suffice it to say, EA isn’t
doing another headline-grabbing revolution. Instead, they plan to
cultivate FIFA 12′s triumph via intricate refinement. A series of
mini-revolutions, if you will.

Whereas FIFA 12′s primary
additions were a trifecta, EA’s incremental plan-of-attack for FIFA 13
is being divided into five. Now, I could easily spin a long and winding
yarn about these five features. That’s been done before, and sometimes
it can get messy. Instead I thought I’d give you a brief synopsis of
each, and then explain what I feel the most significant takeaway is.

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First of all, don’t get confused. The upcoming action-MOBA title SMITE is still free-to-play. However, you can now plunk down twenty of your hard-earned dollars and not only be guaranteed beta access, but you’ll get an extra ten heroes to play. You can also decide to unlock extra heroes with time played, just as you would in Hi-Rez’s other free-to-play title, Tribes: Ascend. From the looks of it, this is only a limited-time offer and eventually it’ll go up to $30. Oh, and there’s a beta countdown timer as well, which will hit zero in about 16 days! You can check out the pre-order information here.

I played SMITE back at PAX East and had a pretty great time. My favorite part was definitely the option to auto-buy your items, since I think that will allow newer players to ease into the game better. Are you MOBA fiends looking forward to adding another game to your list? Or will you be passing up on SMITE?

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Podtoid listeners will know that Jonathan Holmes is sexual catnip to anybody alive. His posterior region, in particular, is a magnet that draws lust from the loins of all breathing humans. We talk about his sensual body a lot on the show, but one fan went above and beyond — he gave us a temple of worship. 

The above (likely NSFW) video is the extensive work of Vid Cirman, who has created a fully functional Jonathan Holmes statue complete with a deep anus that features life-like actions. We finally have a place to call home, and it feels so … warm. 

In all seriousness, I have been literally crying and howling with delight since I watched this. I have a feeling my colleague will also cry when he sees it … but he won’t be smiling. 

This is my career!

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Every time I’ve ever seen red pandas in a video (still haven’t been able to see them in person), they’re always playing. Their entire reason for existing is to be the most adorable thing on the planet. I need one.

Today, Conrad reviewed Max Payne 3, Cliffy B is saying things, Battlefield 3 might have a premium subscription, Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition sold tons, and so many more fantastic things happened on 5/14/2012.

Destructoid Original:
Bloggers Wanted: Hype
E3: About that Wii U …
Live show: Awesomenauts giveaway on Mash Tactics!
The DTOID Show: Tomb Raider delayed, Dark, & Civilization
The Network Roundup: So emo it hurts

Community:
Community blogs of 5/14
Forum thread of the day: Max Payne 3

Contests:
Mr. Destructoid comes to Super Monday Night Combat!

Reviews:
Review: Max Payne 3

News:
Tomb Raider delayed until Q1 2013
Cliffy B wants Japanese devs to consider more multiplayer
Silent Hill: Book of Memories seems quietly delayed again
Sony boss opposes hardware that blocks used games
Nintendo Selects just netted Pikmin 2 and Power Tennis
A Sons of Anarchy console game is on the way…eventually
Awesomenauts community address teases DLC character
GameStop now sells Steam Wallet cards in the U.S.
Rumor: EA looking to a ‘premium service’ to Battlefield 3
Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition sold 1M copies in five days

Offbeat:
Cory Johnson’s post-rock Zelda album is complete
Jimquisition: Videogames Are A Luxury

Media:
Former Harmonix and Irrational devs announce Dreadline
Watch the first episode of the Double Fine Adventure doc

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Downloadable content has been one of the most popular trends this generation. Last year Activision tried to find out if a market exists for a subscription service for a non-MMO with Call of Duty Elite. As the latest numbers peg Elite subscriptions — which cost $50 a year, or were free with Modern Warfare 3‘s Hardened Edition — at 2 million, an audience does apparently exist that is willing to fork over money for more than just a la carte DLC. Electronic Arts is now rumored to be preparing a premium service for the Battlefield series which is said to be launching in only a few weeks’ time.

Battlefieldo reported on Friday a “very reliable source” had shared with it a timeline for the forthcoming updates Battlefield 3 is receiving. In addition to a mention of a fifth expansion pack (beyond the already released Back to Karkand and the previously announced Close Quarters, Armored Kill, and End Game) is a strategy guide being released in June and, more notably, something called Battlefield Premium.
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I ran across an interesting article today that confirmed one very important fact. Emo hair is bad for your health. Besides possibly destroying your social life and hampering your ability to genre jump, emo hair may cause physical damage. Come to think of it. Is emo even still a genre and subculture? 

On the network we kept out stylings a bit more balanced. Destructoid got sensitive with the luxury of gaming. Japantor cried over cats. Flixist was screaming over some giveaways. Finally, Tomopop starting playing with some snakes, in a sensitive manner. Hey, pass me a tissue.

Japanator

• Japan’s new police cat will take down any purrfect crime. Yup, I’m scared of cats.
• Rent-a-Cat trailer is bursting with cute kitties. They may be cute, but I am terrified!
• Shonen Showdown 5-13-2012. Get your shonen fix!

Flixist

• Win Chronicle on Blu-ray and DVD. Load up on freebies.
• Stallone and Schwarzenegger begin shooting on The Tomb. Didn’t they just team up?
• Pee-Wee Herman movie from Judd Apatow may shoot soon. This sounds promising.

Tomopop

• Tomopop Review: Square Enix’s Play Arts Kai Solid Snake. Stunning detail.
• The bunnies of Scenes from a Multiverse need your help! I need to figure out some Kickstarter project.
• A slew of Loki customs for your perusal! Smash your own personal Loki on the ground!

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A common argument used to defend the videogame industry from accusation of anti-consumerism is that games are a luxury, therefore nobody is entitled to them. A fair enough suggestion, but one that misconstrues a number of reasons why the game industry is criticized in the first place, and the real reason why anti-consumerism is a problem.

This week, the Jimquisition explains the folly of the “games as a luxury” argument.

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